Ouroboros An Unending Cycle

When it happens at a sudden

We call it a coincidence
There is no word like it
You desired it to be

It happens accidentally
We call it a destiny
The word never exists really
You wished it to be

You are alone in this
Where there are no defeat
You will win this game
When the desire comes to an end


I want to learn how to bake a cake. Cake that looks like pretty photos online or or cook books.. Like to cook and want to bake it myself. I search and join a baking class. Go on YouTube and try to find a best cake baking video.

Taxes are complex. I need to know and keep up with new laws. My goal is to keep my hard earn money with me as much as I can. Less money I pay in taxes the better. So I find an accountant.

When have health issues. I look for a doctor who is good at understanding issues I have. I want to get better and healthy again.

Not happy. Something is wrong with me. Every one around me see I am depressed . I find a psychiatrist , psychologist. Most interesting once are those who look for spiritual teacher. It’s either because someone knows someone who has attained something that everyone is looking for.

I ask what are you looking for?

When it comes to your own happiness do you really know what exactly you want? Mostly answer to this question is Yes, I know what I want. I want to be happy. . Some are convinced that they want to be free from everything. Like jivanmukta or attain moksha or ascension. These days hear these old words like a new trend.

Is it because that is what we have been searching for thousands of years?. 

I say if you know what you want? Buy someone else’s idea or products they have created to sell you? you will get it.

If you want something indicates that you already know what it is and trying to achieve it.

Read lot about super awareness. Mostly in the books. I was convinced that having those powers is a sign of someone being free or more than normal humans. Some religious even call normal humans "lay persons".

 So bough into the fact that having powers or siddhis made person a happy free human being.
Had this idea that spiritual powers first and then you are free. I was unable to see what I had.

Set out to open the third eye. Did all kinds of meditations. Being impatient tried this and that. Found mantras. Even joined a group that also believed what I thought was a path to freedom .

Then one day realized. All it needs is to have burning desire to have it! nothing else. Realization of it is nothing new. An idea entered in my universe that's all. Desire is a root cause of unhappiness but this desire to be free somehow justified it to be good. You can justify Bad and it turns Good and viz. Think about the irony of it!

All the time kept thinking to have an experience of third eye being opened. One day group of us were chanting mantras. Don’t remember what we were trying to achieve that day. We chanted mantras for something that was labeled as "Bad", desiring to make it better. Call it a prayer. Difference was; it was very vocal. 

We never really think of others. It's always all about you being the center of this universe. Even if I am in the mood to be charitable or noble, It's always about me. How it makes me feel. When I like it? I try to hold on to it. When I don't like it? I try to avoid it! Or just don't really care much about it. See it yourself If you are honest and dare to face yourself!

 I was thinking of only one thing. Third eye. At some point we lit candles holding in our hands chanting mantras. Hours passed by. More candles were lit. At one point opened my eyes and saw a rainbow around my candle. It was a very different experience. First I thought I had something in my eyes as I had them closed for long time while chanting mantras. Not to mention all that smoke of incense. So rubbed my eye and realized I could see the rainbow with my eyes closed.
A tingling sensation was in the forehead felt very pleasing. It was like I could see everything from without a center. 

Saw different colors were coming out of candles. Then realized those colors were also shimmering around the person who was holding the candle. Each flame was reflecting colors around the person who was holding it.

 I was enjoying it. Never felt like this. Then a thought came to mind. How nice this state is. Center was formed. and all colors started to fade away. It faded and all colors and that amazing feeling. All left was gray dull normal colors.

Moment you want something you will start producing a pattern of what you want. Moment you desire it you are bound to three states of feelings. Happy, sad and neither. No matter what the experience you will always experience one of these three states. Mind will continue to move in these three states of feeling.. Where there is mind there is a body. Mind will feel three states regardless of senses. If senses are not present mind will manifest a body. First you will be happy. Moment you will start taking pleasure out of that experience it will start to mutate. Naturally you will crave for more. That will make you sad as the experience will never be the same. All you will have left at that point is the memory of that experience.

If you want to meet a deity or an Angel you will find it. But that won’t make you free from these threes states. In its presence you will find happiness but once it fades away you will want more and sadness will creep in. Once you realize you are a prisoner of these states? All your experiences, encounters with deity or an Angles were nothing but your own or just creations. All is made of same substance Everything around you is subject to these three states. And none of the state is ever permanent.

Does it all mean that I should give up wanting and desires to have anything? Just do nothing? You can not. Not wanting to have desire is also a desire. Control your senses is also a form of desire. And all desires are subject to three impermanent states.

Now what? Nothing can stop the movement. But nothing can stop you from learning about it?. This constant movement is desire, wants and thought, it is part of the mind.it is you. You can’t say I can get rid of my mind. You are that mind. Where there is mind there is always a body. That body is you.
Try not to change this movement only watch it. Note that it’s there. Desire to modify one state is to create more movement. It will be like snake trying to swallow it’s own tail.
Start slow. Watch these movement. Enjoy what it brings you every moment. Neither analyzing nor judging. Not constantly comparing whether it’s good or bad. Just watching. 
Learn what you are. Realize what you are all the way to it’s core. That is self realization!